I’m at the point in my relationship with Chipotle where I am starting to get comfortable. Too comfortable. Here’s an example: On Sunday night, I expected Chipotle to have a packed lunch all ready for me to go on Monday morning, but I guess I must’ve done something wrong cause I woke up to an empty apartment and not a burrito in sight. Needless to say, I spent the day enraged and couldn’t wait to get home to give Chipotle a piece of my mind. Now having never been in love, but having read a myriad stories about it (watched a lot of tv about it) I was anticipating a lot of guilt tripping and head games from Chipotle. But being me, and knowing that my intellect is far more advanced than that of a fast food chain restaurant, I was up for the challenge. The following is a brief dialogue of what went down:
Chipotle: (doesn’t say anything cause she can’t speak)
Mal: The silent treatment, hmm?
Chipotle: (continues not to say anything)
Mal: No, that’s cool, that’s cool. Real mature.
Mal: Hahahaha, you’re really starting to piss me off.
Mal: You know what, fuck it. I’ve been starving all day because of your selfishness and I don’t even think I did anything wrong, and we haven’t, ya know, done it… in… like, forever, how long can a salsa period even last? Is that even real? I just feel like I’m going crazy and I don’t know why and you’re fucking with me and I don’t know what’s real anymore but I think we should maybe end this here.
Mal: Who am I kidding, I can’t stay mad at you. I love you.
… Well that was pretty weird, and I’ll be the first person to admit it. But that’s what happens when you fall in love (aka when you decide that you’re going to only eat one food for 30 straight days for no reason whatsoever), you start acting like a complete maniac.