Hey, I’m Ben and I am now positive that I can love. I also know that Wayne’s World is the shit, I habitually pretend to be in a Nirvana cover band and that I am in the top ten for most minutes spent on OK-Soda 800 hot-lines (“Things are going to be OK”). I’m still unsure if Hillary Swank is attractive though?
Love used to be elusive to me. I thought I loved TV when I was 12, but then I watched that Snoop Dogg video where he and his crew morph into real dogs, not just dawgs, I couldn’t sleep for a week. Ever since then, too much time with the TV is just so unattractive.
When I was 18, I was pretty sure I was in love again, this time with porn. But as youporn killed the anticipation of the slow limewire download and made it possible to watch porn on an everyday basis, the satisfaction of having sex with myself just seemed to slowly fade away.
But now that I squashed all that mess and the craziness of finding love is all over, wrapped up in a little bow of tin foil and brown paper bagging, I can get to what life is all about, variety. No more more monogamy, it’s time for Mexican food pimpin’.
But this lifestyle is nothing new to me. I am well versed in this field. Let’s put it this way, I once had Chipotle, Qdoba, Moe’s and Paquitos all in a 24 hour period. When my friends found out, they said, “You Mexican food slut, why would you have them, that’s a 8, 7, 3 and 2.” But I didn’t care, all added, I had a 20 (and that’s better than a 10). Plus, I was born to get down on guacamole.
Let the Burrito Pimpin’ Begin.